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When No One Is Around

By Angelina Martinez

When people are around I’m hallow,

Empty with stone walls around me,

Stiff to human affection.

When people are around I smile ever so often,

To show I’m listening to more than just the wind in the background.

I give them a small shove of my own affection and tell them “It ain’t all bad” or “It’s alright.”

When I’m with others I feel the business and the buzz all around me,

To the point of forgetting all that is actually wrong with me.

I murmur words in response and do my part to be there for them.

But when I’m alone,

When no one else is around,

I’m full.

Overflowing with regret and dreadful memory.

When no one else is around,

I’m stagnant in the dark.

Voided and lifeless yet,

Filled with sorrow to the point I can’t remember why I’m crying.

I’m still to the point of numbness but,

In the absences of relief,

I come to realize I am no longer even remotely complete.

When I’m alone,

When no one else is around,

Stress consumes me faster than coffee at 2am in the morning.

I find myself falling into the black abyss bellow me.

A vast empty space where PTSD and Trauma,

Both look down at me,

While Depression is holding my hand.


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